Without my Soul, I am halved.

Sooo, in the past 2 months, I got married, moved to Minnesota..... blah, blah, blah BOOM!

 I'm in the great state of TEXAS!  

No, not with the fam, unfortunately, I miss my little monster terribly.  Just here for a couple days to see my college roomie get married and have some friend time with my BFF Britt.  

Of course I immediately start worrying about my child's life in the hands of my able, yet forgetful, husband.  So I decide the best solution to his is to make a list of instructions for Sammy.  Easy enough?  Um, no.  I end up writing for an hour (while Jarod thinks I'm writing a blog) and have three pages...single spaced...with skewed margins so I don't seem too obsessive with 4 to 5 pages.  Hahaha.  I just want Sam to be comfortable!  Here's a template for all you new (obsessive) moms to use when writing instructions out for your first time outing:

Samuel Babysitting Instructions

Phone Numbers:

Jarod: XXX-XXX-XXXX

Vi: XXX-XXX-XXXX

Vi’s Mom: XXX-XXX-XXXX (for questions only, she’s in Ohio but knows Sam the best)

Samuel’s Temperament:

He likes to play by himself and, for the most part, is fine if you just let him do what he wants.  He can hold the sides of tables and chairs and will walk around, but mostly crawls.  He also likes to play underneath tables and hides in little nooks. Try to avoid letting him do that. 

Sam loves the bathroom, so it’s best to keep that door shut.  If he hurts himself or is grumpy, give him his cow, and he will usually calm down right away.  You might try laughing at him and he’ll start laughing at himself and forget about what just happened.  He also likes his cow to go to sleep.  He has 3 cows, any of them work, but the dirtiest looking cow works the best. 

Sam will not tell you he pooped.  It’s very obvious when he’s doing it, and you have to ignore him until he finishes his business.  Sometimes it doesn’t smell.  He also won’t poop unless he has a clean diaper.  He usually will poop right after you change his pee diaper.  It’s best to just watch him until he does.   He will roll around and try to crawl away.  It’s best to give him a toy while you change his diaper to distract him. He has very sensitive skin and cannot sit with a poop diaper for very long.

Sam loves TV and music.  He will sing to just about anything, but is picky about television shows.  His favorite is Fresh Beat Band that is on Nick Jr at 2:00 and 2:30 pm.  If it’s not on, it’s on the Internet on Nickjr.com.  He will also watch Dora the Explorer, Go Diego Go, and Blues Clues.  He doesn’t pay attention to other shows very much.

If you ask him simple yes or no questions, he will answer with “yeah” (it’s very clear) or shaking his head “no” or ignoring you (for no). He doesn’t have a strict schedule for anything, just general times of when he usually likes to do things.

Naps:

Sam naps between 9 and 10am and between 2 and 4pm (depending on when he has his bottle and if he’s actually tired.) He will take an evening nap around 5 or 6 if he has an early afternoon nap.  He wil rub his eyes and smell his cow’s tail.  He’ll cry about everything and sometimes put it his down on the ground.  He becomes a different child.  If you ask him “Sammy, are you tired? Want to take a nap?” He will sometimes answer yes. If you’d like to rock him, go ahead, but if you want to put him in his pack ‘n play, he will put himself to sleep in about 15 minutes.  If he is still crying after 15 minutes, take him out and let him play.   I usually explain to him “Sammy, you need to take a nap so you can wake up and feel so happy and we can play!” That usually gets him to lay down.  Give him a kiss, his cow and he will be good.

Bath time:

Sam usually takes a bath in the morning and night, but I’m trying to get him used to one bath at night.  This can be done after dinner, usually the easiest because he might be messy after dinner.  I wash Sam’s hair with Johnson and Johnson Lavender or plain shampoo. before putting him in the bathtub.  He doesn’t like having water poured on his head yet.  I lean him backwards, and wash his hair while holding him.  I let him play in his little tub for a little bit with his toys.  He chews on them.  He’s started to get up and try and play with the faucet.  Tell him no and sit him down.  After a little bit, I use his Cetaphil Restoraderm Body Wash to wash his body.  I just use my hand to spread it on his body and use the bath water to wash him off.  I take him out right after I do this. 

Sam has rashes on spots around his body.  Mostly on his tummy, thighs and the top of his back.  Right now there are some on his cheeks and side of his face (check under his neck as well).  Rub a thin layer of Cortizone cream on these spots.  Then use his Cetaphil Restoraderm Lotion all over his face and back.  He will fuss.  Give him one of his small toys to play with while you do this, it makes life easier.

Preparing Bottles:

-       Add water to large cup and heat for 2 minutes

-       Formula is ready to be heated out of its bottle.  It needs to be refrigerated after a new bottle is opened.   The bottle must have the brown stopper and blue tube inside before the nipple.

-       Put the bottle in the heated cup of water to heat the bottle for about 5-10 minutes. He likes his bottle luke warm.  If it’s too warm or cold, he will throw it or just play with it.  Don’t let him play with his bottle it will get everywhere.

o   This needs to be done because they are plastic bottles.  Keep the bottle out of sight for Sam, if he sees it, he will get upset and be a handful until it’s ready.

-       Sam can feed himself if you lay him on a pillow, but doesn’t always want to do it.  If you want, you can hold him to feed him.  He doesn’t really have a preference and I don’t care either, just what will make Sam happy.

-       Sometimes the afternoon bottles take awhile for him to finish, if he wants it on and off for about 45 minutes, that’s ok.  After that, through away the milk.  He doesn’t need to drink anymore than what he wants.

Estimated Times for Bottle

*Not exact; around that time, start to make the bottle and he’ll get excited when he sees it if he wants it.

Time	Bottle Size
7:00 to 7:30 am	6.5 – 7 oz
9:00 to 9:30 am *sometimes skips	5- 5.5 oz
10:30 to 11 am	5- 5.5 oz
1:30 to 2:00 pm	5- 5.5 oz
3:30 to 4:00 pm	5- 5.5 oz
8:30 to 10 pm	5 oz
^^Bottle before bed^^	^He won’t drink all of it, save in the fridge^

Solid Meals* solid foods should be given to him in the highchair with a bib and an extra towel on the side.

Solid Food for Breakfast:

Sam has breakfast around 8:00 or 8:30.  This can be one (two if he starts to cry when he sees the empty cup) cup of the fruit and cereal/oatmeal, his infant yogurt, or a sliced up banana.  He can eat this with a sippy cup of water or orange juice.  He will be most happy with Orange Juice. This can be eaten directly from the cup with his spoon.

Solid Food for Lunch and Dinner:

-       Add 1 jar of pureed meat to 1 cup of vegetable, heat in a bowl for 25 to 30 seconds, stir to mix

-       Use one of his plastic cups (without a lid) to hold half of the cup of baby water. 

-       He must use one of his plastic spoons; he has been allergic to other types.

-       Keep one cup of fruit close by, this doesn’t need to be heated.  He has it for dessert, but sometimes you need to use it to get him to eat his food.

o   If Samuel is hungry, he will eat with no problems, but he will fuss if he’s not starving.  If you need to show him the fruit cup and say “YUM! Dessert” and he will get excited.  Open it, and give him one bite.  Then, pretend to get spoons of it, but feed him his veggies and meat.  Every few spoons, give him a spoon of fruit and it should keep him happy. 

-       He won’t ask for it, but every few spoons, spoon him 3 spoons of water from the small cup.  He will drink water from a sippy cup, but it’s easier with a cup of water in this situation.  If you say “Water” before you give it to him, he will open his mouth for it.

**Sam eat lunch at 12 or 12:30 and has dinner at 6:00 or 6:30**

Snacks:

-       Sam can have snacks whenever you need him to be distracted.  Keep him in the highchair, with a sippy cup of water and pour a few snack (veggie dips or the banana/sweet potato pieces.) try not to do it right before he’s about to have a solid food meal.

*A lot of instructions, but this works best for Sam.  He will be upset if you do something different.  He understands what’s going on (On a weird level).  He is good about showing signs of what he likes even though he can’t talk.  If you explain things to him or ask him questions, he will respond.

Keep in mind, I also added notes in the margin later and am now fully aware of my spelling/grammar errors (That I never fixed)

First time mom? Yes. Obsessive Compulsive? Yes.  But whatever.  I'd do this for my fifth child.  I don't care what any 15 year old babysitter (or Mother-in-law) might think.  This is how Sammy likes life and I'm not about to turn the life of a 10 month old orangutan upside down.  That's dangerous.  He likes things a certain way (just like his mom) and I'm going to let whoever is watching him know that my son is particular about his eating (hates the green veggies, he will spit it in your face) or that he likes certain television shows that stimulate his mind.  Also, I'm tired of the looks I get when I tell babysitters all of this stuff verbally and then they "forget" and are "surprised" by the outcome.  Um, it's written down, read the manual.  

I don't need advice about letting the little things go, or that Sammy needs to get used to other people and different situations.  Until this point, Sam has spent 75% of his life with me, and that percentage is going to continue to increase because I don't have a job.  I like things to be in a certain order and so does my baboon.  We are BFF's like that.  I'm not about to change and I'm sure as hell not going to let Sam.  And really, I'm looking out for you, potential babysitter.  Sam has the potential of being a rotten kid (see monkey references? I hate monkeys.) 

So long story short, if you'd like to watch Sam, read the manual.  I'll give you the written test afterward and then we will see if you get to the second round. 

Lova yaaa

Byeeeee

P.S. I couldn't think of a good title, but I miss my Sammy and Jerry! Sorrrrryyy

Unexpected expected dilemmas

So I'm sitting here on my new compy (obvi bragging) trying to ignore the fact that Sammy is playing in front of our door where we keep our shoes, hanging out in his diaper... I told Jarod he's got the baby for the rest of the night (half hour before he goes to bed) and the monkey is currently putting on my orange juice soaked dress (yes I'm still sitting in it) trying to get me to hold him.  Jarod is currently laughing at the television. Such is life. Now it's time to feel bad for me.

Since Jarod moved back a week before our wedding, life has been crazy.  Splitting our time between our home and my parent's has been a bit of a juggle.  While it's great to be over there, the addition of craziness is kind of off putting.  For example:

Last week, I asked my parents if Sam could spend the night with them.  My intentions were to have him spend as much time this last month with my parents aaaand to also work out at the Rec the next day without having to take Sammy over there in the morning.  After getting ready to go and getting my socks on, Jarod walks in, without a care in the world and says "Honey, your mom just stopped by.... she's taking Sam to the hospital." That's it, Jarod?  Obvi I pried and found out she had taken him to the doctor for a cough and they wanted to get a chest X-ray for him.  Number 1- I knew he was coughing, but I wanted him to get over it himself. Number 2- She didn't even call to tell me she was wanting to take him to the doctor. Number 3- She couldn't wait until Jarod told me to see if I wanted to accompany my son for his first (I'm sure of many) trips to the hospital for an X-ray? Long story short, it's over and I'm over it. My parents mean very well and take such good care of Sammy, but they also treat him as their child/grandson:  They take care him with every concern that they had with me, but also spoil him rotten.  Bad combo, if you ask me (they aren't). I will, of course, always be that five year old little girl who would cry everyday at school because she missed her dad.  While that is partly the truth (I will be crying when I leave Oxford) I have a hard time trying to convince them that I can raise my own child...even if I mess up sometimes.  They are definitely just worried about him, but there really can be a fine line for grandparents.  No solution yet... I've gotta just keep working on being a super mom.

On top of all this, Jarod is just getting used to being a full time dad and husband.  This has been a little frustrating.  Sammy and I have our little routines, and Jarod is all about the anti-routine.  He is constantly trying to butt in and break us of this, and I'm ready to burn his hair.  Just work into it, Dad!  He's still trying to understand how fragile Sammy can be, and this frightens the general public.  Jarod keeps telling me he won't be able to relate to Sam until he's around 4.  That's a long time from now for me to raising a child to be Jarod's play thing.  He's not a puppy, just cuddle him!

We're obvi working on it.  Jarod is really good at rocking Sam to sleep and chasing him around the house.  Two things I refuse to do. Overall, we do make a great team. :)

My Little Animal!

Usually, I don't think of titles for my blogs until after I write them, but from the sound of it, everyone is super interested in what is going on with my little coconut, rather than my adventures in landscaping!  And, on top of everything else, he is currently snugged up close to me like a little puppy in my bed.  My heart is literally swollen with love, it's absolutely crazy!  I am so blessed to have such a cutie for a son, who is healthy, happy, and so incredibly smart!  I hate to brag, but I will (actually, I love it, but that's the saying, right?)  I don't know how I deserved such a fantastic child!

A little side note:  As I started thinking about this blog, I realized I don't really touch on anything unexpected that I've encountered as a mommy.  Honestly, besides the fact that Sammy has no teeth, can't really talk, and poops his pants on the reg, I mostly treat him like I treat everyone else (except with a lot more loving; he can't help that he doesn't know how to use the toilet yet, or can't really eat solids.)  I don't know if there's something wrong with me, but he pretty much does with me what I do with my BFF Britt: Hang out, watch our favorite programs, play with some cool toys, and listen to music.  I think I will start doing a little more with sharing the products I like to use, websites to check out, and that sort of thing, but as far as parental advice? Um, ask Mother Dearest.  I have none for you, except, I do what I want. nbd.

I uploaded about a bizillion  new photos of Sam, so I'll sift through a few albums to share on here.  It really is a big thing for me to share photos of Sammy.  Before Sam was born, and for those few months after that I went crazy, I decided I wouldn't put any pictures of Sam online, ever.  I was even very cautious of putting them on Walmart's website to get printed!  But after a lot of people started asking (after my famous, "brb, going to have a baby" facebook status) me, "what does your kid look like?"  Um, I never answered those questions. But just like Suri Cruise, Sammy photos began to appear on facebook a few months after he was born.   Do I wish I got paid for that? Yes.  Am I willing to exploit my child for fame and the dollas? Yes.  hahah.  JK JK that was a joke.  Lil' Sammy is just for the loved ones, other relatives and friends.

Lets talk a little Sam-a-lam!  My child has turned into an animal.  He's crawling/ on the verge of standing on his own right now.  He chases balls around the house, can get in and out of all the nooks and crannies of my parent's house, and always wants to go outside (must have picked this up from the Palmer side).  He's a bit of a spoiled brat, but that's just one of the consequences of me staying at my parents house right now.  Just as my dad says, "You for discipline, I'm for spoil him ROTTEN!"  I can't stop them, obvi (you can't stop my parents from doing anything) but I'm trying to explain to them that it's not a lifestyle.  My mom understands, hence Sam's dying love for my dad and continual yelling battles with my mom.  I love it! hahha.  Sam has understood the different relationships he has with different people, and usually is only a brat with my dad (although he is still a baby, so it comes out once in awhile with others) He's such a cutie

Gpa being PA to Sam's busy computer time

My dad had never fed a baby before Sam, and thinks he does it best.... like this? Seriously?  He has my dad wrapped around his little finger to a point where when my dad goes to kiss him, Sam sticks out his hand for my dad to kiss.  I SWEAR this happens!  He loves everyone and hardly complains... this lasts until you put shoes on his feet.  Apparently he loves shoes on other people's feet, but for him... they should go in his mouth.  He's weird.  I bought some hi tops for him and he pulls them off on the reg.  He seems to enjoy his nikes.  Maybe because they have more bounce or something.  He laughs when he stands up on them.  

The other day, I caught Sam in his cage standing and trying to let go of the side.  Sooo happy!  My adventurous babe is one step closer to walking!  At 8 months, he is a perfectionist.  He practices everything in his crib until he gets it JUST right, then will do it in front of the crowd.  How crazy!  The other morning, he woke up before I did, and was in his crib (for once) saying "pa pa pa pa"  I hardly ever hear him saying consonant sounds.  I started trying a lot, because I have a hard time explaining to people that I taught him to growl and hoot so obvi he will learn to talk.  People don't understand.  Anyway, he's really into his ba ba's, pa pa's, and la la's.  That's good enough... but no teeth yet!

My smarty pants has also out smarted me.  My mom suggested I buy more Mr. Cows incase the original gets lost, so I bought 3 on Amazon.  No one can fool Sammy Palmer!  He took one look at an impostor and threw it in my face.  He would have none of it, and I wasted 12 dollars.  Kill me.

As I remember my Sammy stories, I'll be writing more! But here are some photos of the lil tike!

Lil Chubster loves me!

Play time with mommy!

Trying to make friends!

Everyone at Findley Market LOVED this!

Time at Auntie Thanh's!

Tickles get him every time!

Sleeping with Cow and Auntie Nga

Jarod Palmer on Facebook?

It's obvi way too early to be up right now for Vi Pham (I started this blog at 5:45 am), but Sammy is up. (Mother dearest took him from me) So now I'm stuck awake, with a sleepy headache and much on my mind per usual.

Let me just say, last night's episode of Mod Fam was hilarious.  I didn't watch last week's episode yet, and usually I like to watch them in order, but I just love that show and couldn't not watch last night.  Everyone had their doubts at first, but I think I've convinced about 10 people to start watching since I saw the first commercial for the pilot.  That's it. I'm watching again after I finish writing!

Jarod has made his triumphant return to Facebook.... hahaha.  Anyone who knows him, knows he can hardly open a web browser.  It took a very long time to teach him how to use Skype, and the only reason he really learned was so he could show me Minnesota the first summer that we dated (trying to get me to come.) and to try and learn how to multi-task in his garage.  I'm interested to see why he's on, what he plans on doing while he's on, and how often he plans on being on...does he even know what he's doing on here? haha I'll let you know.  I don't want this to turn into one of those "Vi Pham" tasks where I act as secretary and personal assistant.  As much as he praises me for that role, I don't need another thankless/payless job added to my roster.  Gotta gimme some pay, Mister!

It looks like he might actually read my blog instead of having me read it to him.  Really, it is about our lives, and usually about the conversations we have, so I guess he isn't missing out on much.  Much love to my honey bear!  I know he enjoys reading my writing as much as he loves hearing them over the phone.

I have successfully worn the same outfit all week... I have taken showers, but I also have not left the house since Saturday.  Sad and weird?  Yes. But the weather is terrible, and there is no reason for me to change out of something I'm comfy in.  Steve from Blues Clues never changed his outfit.  But I heard he got some flake for that after some kids refused to change their clothes because "Steve doesn't."

Sam, as of late, is most comparable to a puppy.  He spends countless hours pushing a ball around the house as he crawls around, exploring every nook and cranny of the house.  He has also taken quite a liking to playing with that door stopper thing that looks like a spring.  The other day, I let him play with it for maybe 15 minutes.  He loved it.  The only difference is, I don't have to walk him outside in this weather. I think it's actually frowned upon to walk your kid outside when it's raining.

He and I have a favorite show on Nick Jr.  It's quite good.  The Fresh Beat Band combines popular music beats with a kid friendly message that is pretty awesome.  There's also a little break dancing kid that actually is on a lot of rap music vids.  Fresh Beat Band must be his day job.  I was trying to find a video on youtube of Sam's favorite song on the show.  It's called Great Day.  This is the best I could find (and no, I didn't make it myself, I found it like this!):

I joined this online message board community about kids.  I joined because I thought I had to in order to read an article (I was wrong), and don't really use it at all, but I got an e-mail about baby proofing your house.  I was a little confused about one thing.  They were talking about using baby gates.  One mom commented that she likes to put a gate in front of the stairs, just in case her kid learns to climb out of their crib, they might fall down the stairs.... Really?  If your kid is climbing out of their crib and opening the bedroom door, do you think a gate is going to stop them from rolling down your stairs?  Most likely, you: 1. Have a lot more to worry about or 2.  Your kid is smart enough not to roll down the stairs and probably will walk over to your room and open your door to wake you up.  While I see why there is concern, I don't think she really thought the whole thing through.

In other news....

Jarod's team is currently 3-1 in the series and has another game on Friday in Hamilton, Ontario.  We're really hoping for a win right now!  The sooner this series is over, the sooner the next series begins, and the sooner Jarod can come home!  I'm working on a plane ticket for the championship series, but Jarod just smiles at me (through Skype) and says, "We'll see."  Obvi afraid of the curse.  He must really love me to marry me!  I'm seriously his worst luck charm.  haha.  Actually, I think I did pretty good his senior year of college.  He had the best season of his career, finished school with honors, and he signed with The Minnesota Wild...I mean, I did get pregnant that year, but I still blame Jarod for that little hang up. I guess that all didn't do so much with luck as just being supportive for him.  

For anyone that doesn't know me very well, this bad luck thing isn't just a joke.  I lost all my luck after that time in Edinburgh.  I used to be very lucky.

DISCLAIMER: I am also tagging Jarod in this post purely for selfish reasons.  I want more followers and obvi need to find a way to reach out. haha.  New readers =Yayy!  I try to be fun, and I have very bad punctuation, spelling and grammar.  I don't read over anything.  And I usually don't think very hard about what I want to say. Hope you like!... which reminds me... Avid Readers: if you like, tell your friends! Copy and paste the URL: www.thephalmers.blogspot.com   I love it when people know my business!  The more I know people are reading, the more I'll post.  

Did You Know: If you'd like to kill a cat, feed it raw egg whites.  It's a bit morbid, cruel, and evil, I know.  But I guess you could see this as "If you want to keep your cat alive, don't feed it raw egg whites." There's an enzyme in them that blocks something or another in the cat's metabolism mechanisms, then they can't produce ATP.  When this happens, they can't make energy and then will die.  Never let my little sister around cats and egg whites.  Thank you Erik Olsen for this science lesson! 

Mommies and the Future of Vi...Palmer?

Happy Mother's Day!!

Soo, being a mommy now, I get another reason to celebrate all my goodness. Sammy can't show his appreciation through gifts or anything right now, but his cuddling has been the best gift he could give me every day!  Maybe, when he grows up, we can cuddle everyday on Mother's Day for 15 minutes.  Weird? Yes.  Will I ask him to do it when he's 15 and probs hating me?  Yes.

Tell me how you really feel, Sam

Everyone says they have the best mother in the world.  You know what?  I've got 3... and not in that lesbionic way.  My mom is perfect, best cook EVER, a little crazy, fun, and extremely loving (even though she covers it up with a bit of racism and judging).  She's been the reason for sooo many of my fantastic stories and honestly, is the reason why Sam was the baby he was when he was born, as well as the bratty little smart fella he is today.  I learned at to be a mom from her, for better or for worst (It's probably where I get my "SAMMAAAYYY!! STOP IT!" even though he doesn't understand how to listen right now anyway.)  Even though, sometimes, it seems like she is trying to steal my child, I love her dearly.

Momm-eeee

Wherever my mom has skipped moments, as we all do, I've had my sisters.  Yes, we fight, yes we bicker, yes, we talk behind each other's backs.... but I also do that with my mom, like everyday.   They seriously take care of me like they are moms.  They give me advice, steer me in the right direction, and scold me when I've done something wrong.  They don't just do it to make me feel bad (although sometimes... maaaybe) but they do it because they feel the need to take care of me and all my crazy messups.  Their instinct to do that is so much more than on a sister level, they care for me like I'm their baby.  and I love it!  They aren't moms yet, not even close, but one day, they're kids are going to be so crazy and fun and loving, it'll be insane!

Maybe I have a skewed view of what a mommy should be, but I wouldn't have my mommies be any other way, and I could never be another other type of mom.

What a big 12-15 months I've had!  I can't believe everything I've done.  After graduation, my little sister asked me "Are you glad it's done?"  As a mom would, I replied "When you have a kid, you'll realize, you're never done."  Finishing school just opened the door to so many other things that I have to do.  Now I'm a full time mommy, who is planning her wedding (weird, and out of order), planning on moving to God knows where, and then being a wife.  When it mix it all together, some of the jobs I will do will over lap so it'll be NBD.   But when you list it all out, it seems like a lot.  But seriously, any mommy that complains or tries to gain sympathy through all the work she has to do, shouldn't be a mom.  It's a thankless job!  GET USED TO IT ALREADY!!

So, as I thought, graduation was kind of a bummer.  Reason 357 of why I didn't want to go.  Jarod wasn't here, obvi, and I think the College of Arts and Science had THE worst speakers ever. ("In the film, the Kings Speech..." Sorry I still can't get over that)  I texted through the entire ceremony that lasted longer than it took to park.  I wish I had bought one of those electronic gaming systems.  On top of that, my parents missed them saying my name out loud (leading them to believe I didn't really graduate jk jk) and I hated that stooopid hat!!!  On a funny note, in the first half of the ceremony, Sammy started crying and I HEARD him.  I texted my sister and asked if Sammy just freaked out, and she said yes.  I recognized his cry? Whoa.  My BFF Brittni did a pub crawl in my honor, because I obvi don't have the alcoholic strength or energy to do it anymore.  How fantastic is she?

Graduation... I'm in the back

My fake degree

After all this was done, all I could think about was the future.  What AM I going to do?  My dad has given me several suggestions, and when it came down to it, we realized we needed a miracle.  Every choice I have right now, has at least one consequence to go with it.  There is no perfect route for me.  Somehow, my life choices has left me in a rut.  Every way you look at it, I will be taking a serious consequence down the road, and the only thing I can really do is pick what will keep my family (Jarod, Sammy and Me) together at this point.  Do you know what they call that?  Mommy Sacrifice.  Again, it's thankless and you just have to do it.  Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to do what I can for my family, but at the same time, I can't help but think that somewhere, down the line, I made the wrong decision, and now, I'm kind of lost.  

  

All that's left is to pray for an answer.  I have to rely on something, much larger than myself, to help me take care of my family and guide me in the right direction.  As always, I can't wait to be led down this blind road to see what happens.  Obvi I'll write, and obvi I'm hoping for a reality show.

Check ya lata!

  

Sorry Social Life, I Can't See You Tonight. I've Gotta Be a Mom

Let me clue you in on my pitiful life (jk jk, but seriously...)

It's Friday night, 10:52 PM.  I'm sitting here in front of the television watching Yo Gabba Gabba on silent, constantly refreshing the stats on Jarod's game (because I'm too cheap to purchase the video feed tonight, plus it sucks big ones to see it cut out every five minutes) with my empty cup of wine, contemplating whether or not I smell bad enough to shower.

P.S. Jarod scores on the one night I don't buy the damn game. Kill me.

Yes. My life has change just a bit.

There was a time when pitiful meant something completely different.  My BFF Brittni and I would scrap together our dollars (usually around 7 or 8) contemplate whether or not eating a real dinner was worth the extra money and go out to join some pub crawls, meet some nerds, hula hoop...whatever our hearts desired... starting at 4 pm lasting until who knows when (maybe with a trip to the library to pick up Jarod haha).  That sort of pitiful was, at least, fun. and we usually made a few dollars throughout the night.
Fun nights were posted on facebook within the month, and I shaved my legs on the reg.

Now, I get separation anxiety from Sam.  I seriously love the little bugger to death. If I don't have to leave him, I won't.  I feel like I really have no reason to, because I don't have anything friends anyway.  He's much more fun anyway.  We make animal noises, we play on the compy, and we love all the same shows (except I secretly suspect he likes watching Olivia, which I despise for her selfish ways). I love it! But then again, who would want to leave this cute little face? :)

Having said all of that, I think I'm ready for a little nap before Jarod calls me post-game. Let's hope for a win (or a loss. I'm not sure which one I want more yet)  Go Aeros!

Did you know: There are no words in the English dictionary that rhyme with the word "Month"?

Are We There, Yet?

Today, I'm currently rocking a white v-neck under shirt that kinda smells like B.O. and probably has baby stains on it.  I'm only guessing (I haven't found any) because people keep looking at me weird. Also, my jeans smell funny.  There is a great likelihood that these pants haven't been washed since I got them (I do that).

I've had a rough couple of weeks.

Life has finally started to sink in, and I've gotten senioritis for the third time.  Only, now I'm dealing with pure exhaustion, not a Donkey Kong hangover.  We're reaching the finale of our separation as the hockey season comes to an end.  I'm really excited for this.  I'm super anxious for time to fly.  There are about three weeks until the regular season ends.  Apparently playoffs last through the end of June.  Unlike college hockey, they do a best of 7 tournament.  What. the. heck?  Not only is that annoying for me, I believe Jarod will be dead by then.  With what I believe are 4 rounds, that's a total of what, 28 games? (I'm no good at math...or english grammar, apparently.) I know this sounds horrible, but I really hope they lose quick.  Being by myself at this point in the semester has proved to be disastrous. I mean, I'm exaggerating, but Sammy and school are wearing me down.

Sam is the most social, crazy baby I've ever met.  He, honest to gosh, is always talking like mad, giggling and now, moving around during all his waking hours.  In order to curb any depression that might occur, I've been dancing and singing a one woman broadway musical for him every morning to make him happy.  It also prevents him from moving around too much and maaaaybe falling off the bed. Oops! (It hasn't happened yet, mom)  Maybe it's spoiling him to give him all of this attention all the time, but I'll be damned if Sam is sad because I was too tired to play with him.  Sooo I put on a smile and dance around while singing to Rihanna (his personal fave) while he sits there laughing at how crazy mommy can be.  I'll tell you something, the introverted part of me is exhausted and a little uncomfortable, everyday.

Another way to entertain Sam

Sam's Blue Steel will make me millions someday... obvi why I please him.

I was reading my old blog posts and I said that I probably wouldn't be writing about Jarod and Sammy so much, but I believe that's all I've been writing about.  I guess my life without them is really boring or I'm one of those people that make their family their world.  Which one's better, because I'll just say that one. But seriously, look at how cute this kid is?  Through my weirdo stories about him, I'm bragging, not going to lie.  I'm thinking that I'm not sure how Sam is going to turn out when he gets older and if I'll be able to brag the way I am now.  I suppose I'm just trying to get my money's worth while I can.  While obvi I hope he's as great as he is right now forever, you can't be sure.  I usually look at my glass half empty for the comedic purpose of life, I've gotta go with my perfect little bambino always being the best kid ever.

Did you know:  When attacked by an alligator, it's best to punch him right in the honker.  Also, that zigzag walking will probs get you killed.  Straight lines are best when you're on land.  

My Odd Little Baby

Today was the first day Sam has really smiled since we've been back in Oxford.  Maybe it's because we are finally treating the double ear infection that he never complained about, getting back into the routine of life while Mommy goes to school, or Patty the Platypus (most likely Patty), but one thing is certain... we hate Horrible Ohio right now.

Sam's second favorite Beanie Baby, and my first:

Patty the Platypus

She's seriously like 15 years old

 It breaks my heart to see how much he misses his dad. For a few days, he'd look around whenever we were obvi searching for Jarod.  The only thing that's made him happy are the few minutes Jarod talks to him over the phone.  Sam is currently sleeping on me while I write this at 1:30 in the morning.

That brings me to a topic that is slightly odd.  Sam likes his women big, round, and plump (Sorry, Gianna :) )  While Sam will obvi let me hold him and snuggle because I'm his mom, he is extremely uncomfortable on my skin and bone frame.  I honestly feel bad that I haven't kept on my baby fat weight.        The poor kid can't get comfy.  The second he sees a woman that is slightly bigger or has the pleasure of having ample breasts, he lunges for them and snugs up close.

We sat next to a woman on the plane back to Ohio who was slightly bigger.  Sam couldn't get enough of her.  He kept putting on his charm with his flirty smile and giggles.  Then he started rubbing her fatty arms trying to get her to hold him.  He's such a weirdo and obviously doesn't understand boundaries.  Coming from a kid who has had a sudden fear of strangers, he surely can't resist the women with some junk in the trunk.

Sam enjoys the comfort of a pillowtop mattress and can't get comfortable without a soft pillow. Maybe that's how he wants his woman too.  He's such a little diva... guess I should pack on the pounds.

There is one thing he doesn't complain about, apparently, pain.  Sam has his first aliment...the double ear infection.  The kid hasn't complained at all, really.  He has no fever, he eats like mad, and he stop his nervous tick of pulling on his ears 3 weeks ago!  For a second, I felt like a horrible mother, as she told me that it looked "really bad" and I had no idea this was going on.We were going in to check about his super yucky cough!  Really, Sam? No heads up?  He's always so happy and hasn't complained one bit.  We were on a plane for goodness sake!  He hardly cried, only when he was hungry, so instead of being mad at myself, I decided I'd be mad at him.

Here's another weird thing about Sam, while we're on the topic.  He loves Beanie Babies.  We have tons in storage at my parent's house.  Like every other family in the 90's, we jumped on the Beanie Baby band wagon.  We had the cases, the tag covers, and I was in the Official Beanie Baby Club.  When I was pregnant, my family joked about how all the crazy crap in the house we had would go to the grandkids.... aka unborn Sam.  I said something about how I didn't want the Beanie Babies.  My mom said, under her breath, that she was going to give them to her grandbabies.  Well crap, turns out, Sam loves them.  His cow that he can't sleep without?  Beanie Baby.

Sleeping with his cow

He chews on him like crazy when he sleeps and likes to twirl his tail around.  It's actually pretty adorable, but only because Sam is cute.  Deep down, there is a part of me that despises the fact that Sam is attached to something, but at least it's only when he sleeps.  He wants nothing to do with him during the day.  The problem is, he's starting to smell. I'm not sure if you can wash these little fake animals or not but something needs to be done.  I decided I'd try to get him to like something else.  Patty was my first Beanie Baby and my fave EVER.  So I stood there, Patty in hand, shaking her in front of Sam's face.  He was pretty excited, so I decided it was time:  I ripped the tag (obvi still with the plastic cover) off.  I actually hesitated.  Like it was going to be worth something "some day"  Seriously?  I contemplated, for a split second, about risking my son's life for the dollar worth of Patty the Platypus.  Is something wrong with me? I tried to get him to sleep with her instead of the cow, but it didn't work out.  Now she's his daytime playmate.   Dammit.

Did you know: Elephants are the only mammals that can't jump?

The Best Kiss Ever

Today, I was given my first real kisses from my lil baby boy.  My heart melted as he clenched his hands around my face and slobbered all over my cheeks.  I can't believe how much I love him.

The other day, I was talking with my BFF Brittni and we were joking around.  For some reason, I blurted out, "The worst day of my life was finding out I was pregnant."  

  *Gasp* 

 Ok, before you take this too seriously, I'll set the stage for you.  Britt has psychic abilities.  Two weeks before I found out I was pregnant, she told me I was pregnant...and having a boy (weird).  Part of this "worst day of my life" thing was the fact that I had been in denial for two weeks and dismissed any reasoning that would put Brittni in the right.  Secondly, I was in college, come on.

Jarod took the news ten times better than I did, and honestly, was a little excited about it in some ways.  I think it was the part of him that just wanted to pack me up in his suitcase and take me whenever he went.  Now, he had a family in the works.  That excited him in the best way possible.

I was in a depression.  I was feeling sick, I could already hear the disappointment in my parent's faces and on top of that, I was going to be fat.  I picture pregnant women in two ways: 1. Happily glowing with a bump in the front and 2. a hot sweaty mess.  I was certain I'd be the later.  For weeks, I convinced myself I was huge, when in reality, I had lost about 10 pounds before I gained anything.  I was for sure trying to hide any signs of being pregnant from my family, friends, and classmates.  I didn't want to disappoint anyone with more of a mess than I had already made my life at this point and I didn't want to be stared at.  For about four months, I was in silent agony, wishing I could just let everyone know I was pregnant, and just be on bed rest.

I had gone to the doctor once to find out for sure I was pregnant.  The heartbeat touched Jarod's heart, I could definitely tell that at that moment, Jarod realized that this was real.  I didn't go back to the doctor for another 2 months.  This was mostly due to the fact that we couldn't figure out how we were going to pay for all of this... none of the health insurance plans I had covered pre-natal care for me.  Another small part of this was because I didn't want this all to be true.  Although I lost out in some pre-natal care, the bright side of this was pretending not to be pregnant for 5 months makes the last 4 a lot easier to deal with. I didn't have any anxiety about having the baby finally pop out of me.  And although he never said it, I believe my doctor thought I was going to be the worst mom in the world.  Not only did I wait until the fourth or fifth month to really go to the doctor, I had no real interest in what was growing inside of me.  My questions were very focused on just making sure I was doing the bare minimum requirements to have a healthy baby.  I'm sure he thought I was going to give birth to a low weight disabled child.

Even to the day that Sam was born, everything was so mechanical.  I was just going through the motions without having any emotions.  I didn't feel excited to be a mother.  Every time I thought about my new family, I kind of panicked.  I still get this feeling when I think about it sometimes.  This isn't playing house anymore and it definitely isn't college.  Having a kid and getting married isn't a game.  This is real life.  These feelings really shocked me.  If you ask anyone who knows me in the slightest way, my entire goal for my life was to become a mom and to have a family.  The duties of a wife and mother have always excited me, but now, it's happening, and every day, the reality of it all sets in a little more, and I panic.  While I can say that this is mainly due to the way it all happened, that's a lie.  Yes, Sam was unexpected and yes, Jarod and I only had known each other for a little over a year.  But Jarod is a great guy who has taken on this responsibility of lovingly caring for his surprise family with the greatest strides.  It was like he had planned this all along.

I thought I didn't deserve this type of life.  For all of the mess ups, break ups, and fudge ups, I didn't think that I wanted was something that I would be able to attain so easily.  Here I have this great guy who has never done anything but try and make me happy deciding, on the fly, that we are going to have a family.  What the heck.  On top of that, we made the cutest little boy I have ever seen, who is smart (what?) and steals hearts on a daily basis.  What could I ask more for?

I am not the eternal optimist.  I'm actually a pretty big Negative Nancy.  But today, dreaming about my imperfect life with my happy husband and lil bebe puts the biggest internal smile on my face.  The worst day of my life doesn't seem so bad anymore after kisses like that.

Gosh am I lucky.

PROJECT: Hawt Stuff

Two weeks until I'm back in Houston with my love.  I'm so excited to finally be with Jarod again and to see everyone!  Honestly, I just want to be able to drink with people instead of myself.  This trip also means Vi Pham has to shape up before seeing her drill sergeant/husband-to-be.

The other day, I told Jarod I missed being pregnant.  (Don't worrrrry, it's not going to really happen for awhile.)  I don't mean I want to have a small fetus feeding off of me like a parasite; I miss my lovely lady lumps.  I enjoyed being bigger than a house.  It will probably be the only time I will be able to get away with finishing my plate and Jarod's and spending a full hour at the dinner table chomping down.  Granted, by the 9th month, my back hurt, I couldn't sit up without help and I rolled around the bed, I loved hearing how pretty I looked when I met strangers.  I knew they were lying, I was a hot mess.  But seriously, being pregnant is one of the best things ever.

Cut to... now.  My diet has devolved from Mai Pham's healthy asian meals (she seriously even cut fruit for me to eat everyday) to Folger's breakfast blend in the morning, combos in the afternoon, and Lean Cuisine's Santa Fe Style Rice and Beans and Moscato at night.  I seriously have to force myself to drink water at times because I've been on the brink of dehydration.

I was able to lose my baby weight pretty quickly.  I only gained about 30 pounds during my pregnancy.  I credit this to 1. Walking 3 laps around the apartment in the afternoon 2. Cravings of orange juice and oatmeal and 3. Sleeping 10 hours every day (not including bed time).  It's seriously a miracle that Sam came out as perfect as he did. But seriously, I believe the credit to Sammy should be my mother.  After Sam was born, Jarod had to leave fairly quickly, so I was with baby Sam 24/7.  Even though I spent a good amount of time at my parent's house for help, I felt overwhelmed.  New babies are not easy, no matter how great they are, they need a lot of attention which requires a lot of time.  I was depressed that Jarod was gone, probably had a bit of postpartum depression (I honest to God thought everyone was trying to take my baby away), and was just plain tired with my new schedule.  I hardly slept and hardly ate for 3 weeks. At the same time that this was all happening, I never really felt being tired or hungry.  I went days without eating, only drinking water and I seemed to be fine.  I finally came down to see Jarod for our 6 weeks together, and I pretty much left everything for him.  I let Jarod take care of Sam and he did a great job.  He did Sam's morning feeding so I could sleep in, played with the kid, made me meals...Jarod is a godsend.  By week two, I was finally myself again and it was fabulous.

When we got back to Ohio, I started school and was by myself with Sam.  This time, even more, because I didn't stay at my parent's anymore.  Getting a schedule down was hard.  I had to turn everything I did around to accommodate getting Sam ready for my parent's house, getting myself ready, and doing school work.  I seriously had to let go of any unrealistic notion that I could do this perfectly and on my own.  I don't know how single mothers do it.  I have a family helping me along the way, and I'm having a hard time.  One day, I looked in the mirror and my eyes were sunken in and I was skinnier than pre-pregnancy.  I skip meals pretty often, because I'm too tired to make them, and honestly don't have an appetite for anything.  I regularly go to the grocery store and walk around several times over and hardly have anything in my cart.

I have to get into some sort of shape before I see Jarod.  I decided on an exercise routine beginning with the treadmill in the early morning hours, but failed today because Sammy didn't wake up til late.  I will also begin my new exercise dvd that I purchased one early morning through an infomercial.  Loooves it!  I bought a tanning package for wayyy too much aaand I started the intense Crest professional white strips... It hurts to open my mouth.  Jarod better appreciate this.