Hey Babay! I Think I'm Gonna Marry You!

Sooo I picked up my supposed wedding dress on Saturday... seriously exhausting.  Apparently, when you get your dress fitted, you have to go THE shoes to go with THE dress for THE wedding.  Anyone who knows me knows how much I HATE shoes.   My feet make it impossible to like them.  They're ugly, wide, and flat.  They remind me of a duck's foot with Mr. Peanuts for each little(but long) toe.  We ending up going to EVERY store at the mall looking for THE shoes.  Today MY feet hurt.  I obviously need to lessons in being a bridezilla, but I don't have the time for that.  What I've learned, though, is that an easy-going bride is worse than a bride that knows exactly what she wants.  Everyone is always asking what you want EXACTly for THE things that will be remembered for your entire life.  Geez louise.  I just wanna be married!

I've been quite a douche bag to my family as of late.  Especially with this wedding business.  Besides having this blog as an outlet, I really keep to myself and I'm not very open to the opinion of others.  In my head, all of this wedding stuff can be easily done, and we can be happy, but in reality, it's a pretty hard business.  Feelings get hurt, disagreements happen, and when you think it's no big deal (nbd) you're really letting other people down.  As much as it's about you and your future spouse, it's supposed to be about your family, too.  As hard as it is for me to let them in on it, it's the way it's supposed to be.  But let me be honest, I just want to be married.  We're already a family!  I'd just be happy with signing the papers and calling it a wedding.  Thank goodness for sisters who are extreme Type A's.  When this is over I'll have some relief.

On a lighter note, I have a funny story to tell about getting my dress fitted.  It all starts with the bra fitting.  Keep in mind I just had a baby 6 months ago, and I hate my body right now.  I somehow forgot where I was going and wore maaaybe the oldest bra imaginable.  I also decided to wear my bodyshaper, because I have a few trouble areas that I hate.  Aaaand I of course don't bring a strapless bra with me, because, why would I?  So I pretty much get naked for this lady I don't even know, while she judges my little assets.  Kill me.  Later, I have to go all around the mall in my bodyshaper, which is making me sweat like crazy, and I have to pee.  Worst feeling ever.  So then, I put the dress on for a second time, and the very Russian seamstress was trying to figure out how to fit the dress to my anorexic frame. We are, of course, trying to figure out how to squeeze in the top.  My mom asked if they can just take in the back.... the Russian's response? "Problem not in the back, nice and snug.  Just empty in the front.  We need to put something there." Riiippppp.  Thanks, lady, for calling me out for my little boobies in front of all these people who are coming into the dressing room to look at my be-a-utiful dress.

Did you know:  Smarter people have more dreams?  The higher your I.Q. the more youdream

Are We There, Yet?

Today, I'm currently rocking a white v-neck under shirt that kinda smells like B.O. and probably has baby stains on it.  I'm only guessing (I haven't found any) because people keep looking at me weird. Also, my jeans smell funny.  There is a great likelihood that these pants haven't been washed since I got them (I do that).

I've had a rough couple of weeks.

Life has finally started to sink in, and I've gotten senioritis for the third time.  Only, now I'm dealing with pure exhaustion, not a Donkey Kong hangover.  We're reaching the finale of our separation as the hockey season comes to an end.  I'm really excited for this.  I'm super anxious for time to fly.  There are about three weeks until the regular season ends.  Apparently playoffs last through the end of June.  Unlike college hockey, they do a best of 7 tournament.  What. the. heck?  Not only is that annoying for me, I believe Jarod will be dead by then.  With what I believe are 4 rounds, that's a total of what, 28 games? (I'm no good at math...or english grammar, apparently.) I know this sounds horrible, but I really hope they lose quick.  Being by myself at this point in the semester has proved to be disastrous. I mean, I'm exaggerating, but Sammy and school are wearing me down.

Sam is the most social, crazy baby I've ever met.  He, honest to gosh, is always talking like mad, giggling and now, moving around during all his waking hours.  In order to curb any depression that might occur, I've been dancing and singing a one woman broadway musical for him every morning to make him happy.  It also prevents him from moving around too much and maaaaybe falling off the bed. Oops! (It hasn't happened yet, mom)  Maybe it's spoiling him to give him all of this attention all the time, but I'll be damned if Sam is sad because I was too tired to play with him.  Sooo I put on a smile and dance around while singing to Rihanna (his personal fave) while he sits there laughing at how crazy mommy can be.  I'll tell you something, the introverted part of me is exhausted and a little uncomfortable, everyday.

Another way to entertain Sam

Sam's Blue Steel will make me millions someday... obvi why I please him.

I was reading my old blog posts and I said that I probably wouldn't be writing about Jarod and Sammy so much, but I believe that's all I've been writing about.  I guess my life without them is really boring or I'm one of those people that make their family their world.  Which one's better, because I'll just say that one. But seriously, look at how cute this kid is?  Through my weirdo stories about him, I'm bragging, not going to lie.  I'm thinking that I'm not sure how Sam is going to turn out when he gets older and if I'll be able to brag the way I am now.  I suppose I'm just trying to get my money's worth while I can.  While obvi I hope he's as great as he is right now forever, you can't be sure.  I usually look at my glass half empty for the comedic purpose of life, I've gotta go with my perfect little bambino always being the best kid ever.

Did you know:  When attacked by an alligator, it's best to punch him right in the honker.  Also, that zigzag walking will probs get you killed.  Straight lines are best when you're on land.  

My Odd Little Baby

Today was the first day Sam has really smiled since we've been back in Oxford.  Maybe it's because we are finally treating the double ear infection that he never complained about, getting back into the routine of life while Mommy goes to school, or Patty the Platypus (most likely Patty), but one thing is certain... we hate Horrible Ohio right now.

Sam's second favorite Beanie Baby, and my first:

Patty the Platypus

She's seriously like 15 years old

 It breaks my heart to see how much he misses his dad. For a few days, he'd look around whenever we were obvi searching for Jarod.  The only thing that's made him happy are the few minutes Jarod talks to him over the phone.  Sam is currently sleeping on me while I write this at 1:30 in the morning.

That brings me to a topic that is slightly odd.  Sam likes his women big, round, and plump (Sorry, Gianna :) )  While Sam will obvi let me hold him and snuggle because I'm his mom, he is extremely uncomfortable on my skin and bone frame.  I honestly feel bad that I haven't kept on my baby fat weight.        The poor kid can't get comfy.  The second he sees a woman that is slightly bigger or has the pleasure of having ample breasts, he lunges for them and snugs up close.

We sat next to a woman on the plane back to Ohio who was slightly bigger.  Sam couldn't get enough of her.  He kept putting on his charm with his flirty smile and giggles.  Then he started rubbing her fatty arms trying to get her to hold him.  He's such a weirdo and obviously doesn't understand boundaries.  Coming from a kid who has had a sudden fear of strangers, he surely can't resist the women with some junk in the trunk.

Sam enjoys the comfort of a pillowtop mattress and can't get comfortable without a soft pillow. Maybe that's how he wants his woman too.  He's such a little diva... guess I should pack on the pounds.

There is one thing he doesn't complain about, apparently, pain.  Sam has his first aliment...the double ear infection.  The kid hasn't complained at all, really.  He has no fever, he eats like mad, and he stop his nervous tick of pulling on his ears 3 weeks ago!  For a second, I felt like a horrible mother, as she told me that it looked "really bad" and I had no idea this was going on.We were going in to check about his super yucky cough!  Really, Sam? No heads up?  He's always so happy and hasn't complained one bit.  We were on a plane for goodness sake!  He hardly cried, only when he was hungry, so instead of being mad at myself, I decided I'd be mad at him.

Here's another weird thing about Sam, while we're on the topic.  He loves Beanie Babies.  We have tons in storage at my parent's house.  Like every other family in the 90's, we jumped on the Beanie Baby band wagon.  We had the cases, the tag covers, and I was in the Official Beanie Baby Club.  When I was pregnant, my family joked about how all the crazy crap in the house we had would go to the grandkids.... aka unborn Sam.  I said something about how I didn't want the Beanie Babies.  My mom said, under her breath, that she was going to give them to her grandbabies.  Well crap, turns out, Sam loves them.  His cow that he can't sleep without?  Beanie Baby.

Sleeping with his cow

He chews on him like crazy when he sleeps and likes to twirl his tail around.  It's actually pretty adorable, but only because Sam is cute.  Deep down, there is a part of me that despises the fact that Sam is attached to something, but at least it's only when he sleeps.  He wants nothing to do with him during the day.  The problem is, he's starting to smell. I'm not sure if you can wash these little fake animals or not but something needs to be done.  I decided I'd try to get him to like something else.  Patty was my first Beanie Baby and my fave EVER.  So I stood there, Patty in hand, shaking her in front of Sam's face.  He was pretty excited, so I decided it was time:  I ripped the tag (obvi still with the plastic cover) off.  I actually hesitated.  Like it was going to be worth something "some day"  Seriously?  I contemplated, for a split second, about risking my son's life for the dollar worth of Patty the Platypus.  Is something wrong with me? I tried to get him to sleep with her instead of the cow, but it didn't work out.  Now she's his daytime playmate.   Dammit.

Did you know: Elephants are the only mammals that can't jump?

Spring Break, It's gonna be a crazy week!

Here's a shout out to my BFF Britt and Dad Beck on their marathon in Napa Valley today!!

We finally made it to Texas and I'm FINALLY getting a break from the chaos of school!  Actually, I just threw myself into a different type of craziness such is Jarod Palmer's life (last night, I took Christmas decorations down), but that's OK with me.  We had a semi-relaxing trip to Texas... Sammy semi-behaved himself.

We were the first to board, so we got to watch everyone else get on the plane, and I see tons of guys in suits.  One of them sits next to me, and I ask "Are you all going to a convention or something?"   Of course they aren't.  haha.  Turns out, they were the Syracuse Crunch, the team that Jarod was going to be playing that Friday.  Lucky us.  The trip turned out to be super awk.

Not only did Sammy continually rub the poor man's leg with his foot, he was watching a movie on his iPad, and Sam wanted to watch too.  He spent two hours leaned over trying to watch the movie with him (successfully) and tried to talk to him.  Of course the jerk continued to ignore the poor 5 month old.  What does Sam do? Get louder...and louder...and louder. He got so upset, he started to cry.  The only toy I brought on the plane was his butterfly, so I kept flapping it around, and Sam loved it, until it was his turn.  The poor butterfly went for quite a ride.  Sam sure did let him fly...right into the guy next to us.  That's what he gets for ignoring my baby!

Along this trip, Sam of course takes the opportunity to take biggest dump of his life.  Not one of the quiet ones either, he had a bit of a struggle and let everyone know what he was doing.  And of course he waited until 25 minutes til landing, meaning, we couldn't get out of our seats.  I honestly don't even know where you can change a baby on a plane.  Is that possible? He thankfully made it OK, and he was soo excited to see his Dad.

I'm so happy be here and I've decided this is quite a nice family I have.  Sam is a pretty good baby, although he has his kinks.  Jarod is the best ever.  Only he could understand when I say "I'm going to drink this glass of wine and pass out.  You have to put Sam to sleep" and just say "Wow, that's a big cup...but you deserve it."

It's been a sweet trip so far, Sam lights up every time he sees his dad.  I take this as a good sign.  Only a few more years until Jarod starts embarrassing Sam on the reg!

Did you know?  The name "marathon" comes from the Greek city Marathon where war messenger ran (without stopping) 26.2 miles to deliver a message saying the Persians had been defeated... then collapsed and died.

The Best Kiss Ever

Today, I was given my first real kisses from my lil baby boy.  My heart melted as he clenched his hands around my face and slobbered all over my cheeks.  I can't believe how much I love him.

The other day, I was talking with my BFF Brittni and we were joking around.  For some reason, I blurted out, "The worst day of my life was finding out I was pregnant."  

  *Gasp* 

 Ok, before you take this too seriously, I'll set the stage for you.  Britt has psychic abilities.  Two weeks before I found out I was pregnant, she told me I was pregnant...and having a boy (weird).  Part of this "worst day of my life" thing was the fact that I had been in denial for two weeks and dismissed any reasoning that would put Brittni in the right.  Secondly, I was in college, come on.

Jarod took the news ten times better than I did, and honestly, was a little excited about it in some ways.  I think it was the part of him that just wanted to pack me up in his suitcase and take me whenever he went.  Now, he had a family in the works.  That excited him in the best way possible.

I was in a depression.  I was feeling sick, I could already hear the disappointment in my parent's faces and on top of that, I was going to be fat.  I picture pregnant women in two ways: 1. Happily glowing with a bump in the front and 2. a hot sweaty mess.  I was certain I'd be the later.  For weeks, I convinced myself I was huge, when in reality, I had lost about 10 pounds before I gained anything.  I was for sure trying to hide any signs of being pregnant from my family, friends, and classmates.  I didn't want to disappoint anyone with more of a mess than I had already made my life at this point and I didn't want to be stared at.  For about four months, I was in silent agony, wishing I could just let everyone know I was pregnant, and just be on bed rest.

I had gone to the doctor once to find out for sure I was pregnant.  The heartbeat touched Jarod's heart, I could definitely tell that at that moment, Jarod realized that this was real.  I didn't go back to the doctor for another 2 months.  This was mostly due to the fact that we couldn't figure out how we were going to pay for all of this... none of the health insurance plans I had covered pre-natal care for me.  Another small part of this was because I didn't want this all to be true.  Although I lost out in some pre-natal care, the bright side of this was pretending not to be pregnant for 5 months makes the last 4 a lot easier to deal with. I didn't have any anxiety about having the baby finally pop out of me.  And although he never said it, I believe my doctor thought I was going to be the worst mom in the world.  Not only did I wait until the fourth or fifth month to really go to the doctor, I had no real interest in what was growing inside of me.  My questions were very focused on just making sure I was doing the bare minimum requirements to have a healthy baby.  I'm sure he thought I was going to give birth to a low weight disabled child.

Even to the day that Sam was born, everything was so mechanical.  I was just going through the motions without having any emotions.  I didn't feel excited to be a mother.  Every time I thought about my new family, I kind of panicked.  I still get this feeling when I think about it sometimes.  This isn't playing house anymore and it definitely isn't college.  Having a kid and getting married isn't a game.  This is real life.  These feelings really shocked me.  If you ask anyone who knows me in the slightest way, my entire goal for my life was to become a mom and to have a family.  The duties of a wife and mother have always excited me, but now, it's happening, and every day, the reality of it all sets in a little more, and I panic.  While I can say that this is mainly due to the way it all happened, that's a lie.  Yes, Sam was unexpected and yes, Jarod and I only had known each other for a little over a year.  But Jarod is a great guy who has taken on this responsibility of lovingly caring for his surprise family with the greatest strides.  It was like he had planned this all along.

I thought I didn't deserve this type of life.  For all of the mess ups, break ups, and fudge ups, I didn't think that I wanted was something that I would be able to attain so easily.  Here I have this great guy who has never done anything but try and make me happy deciding, on the fly, that we are going to have a family.  What the heck.  On top of that, we made the cutest little boy I have ever seen, who is smart (what?) and steals hearts on a daily basis.  What could I ask more for?

I am not the eternal optimist.  I'm actually a pretty big Negative Nancy.  But today, dreaming about my imperfect life with my happy husband and lil bebe puts the biggest internal smile on my face.  The worst day of my life doesn't seem so bad anymore after kisses like that.

Gosh am I lucky.

PROJECT: Hawt Stuff

Two weeks until I'm back in Houston with my love.  I'm so excited to finally be with Jarod again and to see everyone!  Honestly, I just want to be able to drink with people instead of myself.  This trip also means Vi Pham has to shape up before seeing her drill sergeant/husband-to-be.

The other day, I told Jarod I missed being pregnant.  (Don't worrrrry, it's not going to really happen for awhile.)  I don't mean I want to have a small fetus feeding off of me like a parasite; I miss my lovely lady lumps.  I enjoyed being bigger than a house.  It will probably be the only time I will be able to get away with finishing my plate and Jarod's and spending a full hour at the dinner table chomping down.  Granted, by the 9th month, my back hurt, I couldn't sit up without help and I rolled around the bed, I loved hearing how pretty I looked when I met strangers.  I knew they were lying, I was a hot mess.  But seriously, being pregnant is one of the best things ever.

Cut to... now.  My diet has devolved from Mai Pham's healthy asian meals (she seriously even cut fruit for me to eat everyday) to Folger's breakfast blend in the morning, combos in the afternoon, and Lean Cuisine's Santa Fe Style Rice and Beans and Moscato at night.  I seriously have to force myself to drink water at times because I've been on the brink of dehydration.

I was able to lose my baby weight pretty quickly.  I only gained about 30 pounds during my pregnancy.  I credit this to 1. Walking 3 laps around the apartment in the afternoon 2. Cravings of orange juice and oatmeal and 3. Sleeping 10 hours every day (not including bed time).  It's seriously a miracle that Sam came out as perfect as he did. But seriously, I believe the credit to Sammy should be my mother.  After Sam was born, Jarod had to leave fairly quickly, so I was with baby Sam 24/7.  Even though I spent a good amount of time at my parent's house for help, I felt overwhelmed.  New babies are not easy, no matter how great they are, they need a lot of attention which requires a lot of time.  I was depressed that Jarod was gone, probably had a bit of postpartum depression (I honest to God thought everyone was trying to take my baby away), and was just plain tired with my new schedule.  I hardly slept and hardly ate for 3 weeks. At the same time that this was all happening, I never really felt being tired or hungry.  I went days without eating, only drinking water and I seemed to be fine.  I finally came down to see Jarod for our 6 weeks together, and I pretty much left everything for him.  I let Jarod take care of Sam and he did a great job.  He did Sam's morning feeding so I could sleep in, played with the kid, made me meals...Jarod is a godsend.  By week two, I was finally myself again and it was fabulous.

When we got back to Ohio, I started school and was by myself with Sam.  This time, even more, because I didn't stay at my parent's anymore.  Getting a schedule down was hard.  I had to turn everything I did around to accommodate getting Sam ready for my parent's house, getting myself ready, and doing school work.  I seriously had to let go of any unrealistic notion that I could do this perfectly and on my own.  I don't know how single mothers do it.  I have a family helping me along the way, and I'm having a hard time.  One day, I looked in the mirror and my eyes were sunken in and I was skinnier than pre-pregnancy.  I skip meals pretty often, because I'm too tired to make them, and honestly don't have an appetite for anything.  I regularly go to the grocery store and walk around several times over and hardly have anything in my cart.

I have to get into some sort of shape before I see Jarod.  I decided on an exercise routine beginning with the treadmill in the early morning hours, but failed today because Sammy didn't wake up til late.  I will also begin my new exercise dvd that I purchased one early morning through an infomercial.  Loooves it!  I bought a tanning package for wayyy too much aaand I started the intense Crest professional white strips... It hurts to open my mouth.  Jarod better appreciate this.

Sammyyyy

Looks like it's grocery store time!

Sammy is starting veggggies! Yum!  Actually, I've never fed him veggies.  Grandmother Dearest has taken over that responsibility.  I'm really not sure how this is going to work.  My mom is pretty set on making his baby food and I don't own a blender.  I think we'll probably get a doggie bag with baby food for the weekends.  Faaaantastic.  I honestly haven't had time with Sam where he's been up for longer than 10 minutes.  The Pham house wears him out as much as it does for me.  I swear, he lets out a sigh of relief every time we walk in the door (that is, if he's still awake)  I miss my Sammy terribly.  I'm glad it's almost Friday.  That's Mommy/Sammy PJ day!

Sammy and I had a great Valentine's Day.  Mommy had a couple glasses of wine, we got to see Daddy on our Skype Sesh, and I had dinner with my BFF Britt over the phone (not so sure she realized it).  As I promised many, here are some "extras" from our V-day shoot for this year's Valentine's day card:

I think I might have the cutest little boy evaaa.


Did you know? It's a bad idea to taunt a crocodile by sticking your tongue out at him... he can't and I'm sure it'd make him really mad.  You should never make a crocodile anger.